Monday Blues~

Today is like an ordinary sleepy day x.x" The whole day I'm feeling so bored and so damn sleepy too. What to do? hmmmm, sian. Holidays, why when I am having school, I desprately wants you in my life, but when I'm having holidays, I desprately wants a less borning and more entertaining life. AHHHHHH, annoying!

Today the 3 masters did not go work! Hor hor~ CH went to chalet and will not be at work for 3 days! This morning JJ woke up late and I was just seriously very very very very sleepy and sleepy and SLEEPY! Then in the end, time quite late le so JJ confirm will miss bus then might as well we don't go work lo. Idw at there alone find those damn papers man, that will be so like tiring can! HAHAHA. But who cares! Already over! :D

I want to buy a shoe for Poly leh. Till now havent go buy yet. zzz. -.- Say for so long liao. now those shoes im having like all so damn formal one! I want like converse or what jiu those go out wear de shoes. But like a hard to find nice nice ones only. Think will be buying Vans or Converse ba I guess.

Today like having Monday Blues, that why so sian and so tired. Hope everything is fine huh huh huh~ HOPE! Big fat one when you knows things are not on the right track!

Guess these few days I've been thinking a lot, a little too much, a little over. Like come on, stop wasting time thinking those stuffs. Don't even think of wasting those energy can. Like small stuffs and I'm them BIG. Lame only. 18 this year, so grow up dude! :)

我们上桩了！

Yesterday had the second training of freestyle jumping with CH and finally we are up on the poles! My heart really pumps hard when CH fall that once x.x overall I think still not bad already since we are new comers and we aren't as experienced as the other group who are just better since they are together for so long.

But like I said, who cares? Every group have different standard at different timing. Since we are new, we should start from the basics, start from scratch! Wait till we can master the basics, then we learn new and more challenging stuffs! :)

Having muscle aches now. oh damn~ I'm always having muscle aches! Who what when where why how?! :( I don't like muscle aches!! So damn pain lo. Especially when stretch or move or walk. Zzzzz.

一山还有一山高，慢慢跨过总总障碍，我们行的。

How long more to the end of holidays?

I really want to mark holidays to an end right now. I really don't care how stress poly life can be because the most is I'll grumble and grumble of the stress.

Holidays? Everytime during holidays my mood will be super down. Sorta emo? Maybe think too much. So pardon me.

But when things happen, and I get upset and angry, I sometimes find I have no rights to even be angry. Firstly like what CH say, I tend to care a lot. Perhaps, I shouldn't be so KPO. When things fucking happen, just get out of the way.

Why say so? So what if I fucking care? When I'm upset or angry, who's here with me? Yea, maybe when my anger slimed down, Rona Jie is there and when im angry CH is there to hear me nag nag nag though he don't like to hear them.

I shouldnt give a damn for people who never give a damn for me.

Idk la, I should even care so much in the first place. If people bothers, people do. If people don't, why not happy they don't? Just be happy that you know you're not that important and that's what important.

For all I know, I'll be said to be thinking too much again. 也许对吧，我对人家怎么对待朋友的做法不同，我不能逼别人，干吗要把事情闹大？

Ok, I'm just venting all my fucking anger here. Just very unhappy. Yes, you're right, everyday, every holidays, every normal days, such a pathetic kid here.

But I guess I should stop saying. Later I'll become a disappointment again.





我真的很讨厌听到：＂因为那是你的工作。"

I've given up, welcome happiness :)

Actually, after an argument, I really came upon myself thinking hard and really had a heart to heart felt with the guy named Mr Chue in the mirror, yea, myself.

What I've realized and had changed?
Well, one thing for sure, I think I really put in a lot of effort sustaining friendships, making sure things goes my way and thing go the right way. However, things turns out the opposite way. I had given up on being emotional on friendship matters just for my own stubbornness or a little little stuffs that makes me lose happiness just for it.

Looking through it, did you realize 也许不在乎，以其他方式想通一些东西能让自己更快乐? Instead of feeling :( why this happen, I tried to change to hahaha, epicly it happens again and just use another way to think, it really does work making you feel happier and more relaxed. Try it to believe it, I guess it's not the method of using ba, but more of em.... Mindset problem? :)

BACK TO NORMAL POST!
Got watch channel U at 9.30pm just now not? Our female lion dancers were being featured on the show! Ok, it's really awkward to see people you know on tv talking and stuffs but it's super cool to know our troupe is being featured! :D at least the effects and the quality of the video is really good and somehow out of my expectations xD

People who are here, leave me a tag leh! Like posting for ghosts to see :( sob sob sob!

A billion of whys...

我真的好想哭。。。
不知道该怎么说，但我真的很没有心情。 我该怎么说呢？

为什么没有人能站在我的立场看待东西呢？
我知道我不应该说那是我的错。但你知不知道， 如果没有人道歉，没有人愿意底下头说是自己的错，一切事情是没完没了的。。。那个低头的人总是我，我只希望你能知道为什么我做一些事情和决定。我只想不吵了，吵了那么多年，我真的觉得好累，不想管，不想吵了。而且为什么就不能和平相处呢？说的也奇怪，时好时坏，都不知该说还是不该说我们八字不合。 。 。

你知不知道？有时我真的觉得我不适合做任何人的弟弟，兄弟和干弟。
我觉得，当我在时，大家都很少得到快乐反而是一直受我的气和忍耐我那不好的态度，不好的脾气。别说我不要改，说了那么多年，我还是无法改掉。你们真的觉得我好受吗？我也很辛苦，我不想得罪人但偏偏一事不如一事，而且是没完没了的问题。

我真的觉得自己好失败，就连一个简单的角色也做不好。

在我最失落的时候，却没人愿意听我诉说，没有人觉得我是对的。。。大家通常只听一方的故事，但你们知不知道你们好像没有顾虑到我的感受。又烦，又伤心，又气，又难过，但只能够把一切藏在心里面。只有这里是我发泄的地方。哎。。。悲哀啊。

Today is just now my day...

I don't know why but there's many things that happen today. so many arguements and so many unhappy stuffs happen today. I don't really like today like seriously. I hope sometimes people understand why I do some stuffs, like, I do things or say things for a reason. Perhaps I just want to stop something or just need to do something to make things better. But true enough, I need to also let myself know that sometimes things do not get better but get worst and you can't do anything to undo it. When things get out of hands sometimes, I really not know what to do. Just... today is really really really _l_ Especially during this period. Not wanting to make anyone unhappy but unintentionally caused things to happen. Like what I tweet today. "Why must things end with an argument and why can't it just end?" Well, sometimes I really just need to ask myself some unrelated questions. yea, "unrelated."

Just don't want to talk about stuffs. Shouldn't care. I guess I should follow what I said to myself.
You should stop thinking about the past but concentrate on your future.
Guess that's the only way to remain cheerful and be successful.

My first laptop!

YOyoYO! :D Bought my first laptop last week, em. not that long ago though, on friday :) Thanks Chiah Hou for going to IT fair with me to choose and buy the laptop! It would be good if he buy it for me. :( Hahaha. IT fair not as crowded as people seems to say, there's a lot of people but it is not like those really gotta walk side by side, rubbing shoulders that kind. you know what I mean for those who never go before. After buying we walked to Bugis and we bought KOI! :D Then took bus home. :)

Well, so far still quite satisfied with this laptop. but my first laptop, idk what's considered and what's considered bad or good as well. heh. x.x" But I still prefer using desktop although using laptop can be addictive. I still prefer this big big damn screen than the smaller screen! :D Love loveeeeeeeeee.

2 days ago, 48++ hours ago, me and CH had our very very very first tiao zhuang training. Though was afraid but we had made our first step. Thanks for people who gave support, encouragement and also helped to assist for the training :) Talked about it and we were still rather amused by the training. haha. but it's only the first training, there's still a long long way to go! Work hard, fight hard, train hard! Let's let this be our motto for training! :D Never be over confidence or arrogant or you'll never improve but just start deproving. I always believe this :)

After training went to Cassan 18th birthday chalet! Had lots of fun, went to bowling midnight at about 1am then BBQ all night long till the next morning until the rest woke up! I think we 5 rather strong uh! though only slept for half an hour here and there add up but came home, KO-ed for more than 4 hours and till now still feeling restless. tsk!

Today start work again but I'm seriously suspecting that I'm having monday's blues! x.x Hmmmm. Tomorrow is another day of work. x.x hope things goes well and not so sian! Let's go!

I just can't wait for it.

What about me?

那我呢？好想问，好想懂，好想知道。
还记得我的存在吗？
知道我想要吗？

为什么我想那么多？
不知道怎么解释这种心情。
要是事情发生了，
我才解释吧。。。